Clyde Foods presents
Clyde Burgers
Red, road-ready, and built on the correct assumption that subtlety is somebody else’s problem. Two patties is where we start.
Burgers
Two 1/2 lb patties, lettuce, tomato, jalapeños, fried egg, six types of cheese, and Clyde Sauce. The baseline burger, somehow.
Four 1/2 lb patties, 10 slices of cheese, jalapeños, and optional lettuce. We included the lettuce because apparently vegetables deserve representation.
2 × 1 lb patties, 10 slices of cheese, three tomatoes, kale, jalapeños, and extra lettuce. The garden department has clearly been given too much authority.
Sides
Fries drowned in chili and buried under six cheeses. If you can still identify the fries, we were too conservative.
Same fries, extra lettuce and three tomatoes on top. The garden has expanded into fried territory.
Potato chips with a cheesy, grilled-burger-inspired crunch. D4 Prime requested two patties in every chip. The snack department is still explaining geometry.
Desserts
A jumbo walnut brownie finished with cream cheese frosting. Dessert should not require restraint.
The jumbo walnut brownie with cream cheese frosting, plus lettuce and tomato on top. The garden has expanded into dessert.
Drinks
Forty-four ounces. The correct amount.
Sixteen ounces of distilled water. Nothing unnecessary survived the process.
Parody menus. These items are fictional and are not offered for sale or consumption. Clyde Foods does not sell or serve food.
